Wondering How to Be in a Polyamorous Relationship?

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If you are keen to date multiple partners at the same time, and are interested in polyamory, read on for some useful advice and tips.

What Does Poly Mean in LGBT?

A polyamorous person is one that has romantic and intimate relationships with multiple people at the same time. They can be hetero, bisexual, gay, or lesbian, with their relationships being a combination of varying orientations sexually. The difference between open and polyamorous relationships is the latter can be sexual, romantic, and emotional intimacy among partners. While in promiscuity, extramarital affairs or infidelity polyamorous relationships are open to all involved partners and completely consensual. Instead of following the regular norms of relationships laid down by society, polyamorous relationships are those where an individual can choose to have multiple partners at a time.

At times a polyamorous relationship could follow a preset hierarchy with a relationship being prioritized over another, while at times, all may be equal in importance. When there is a hierarchy, it is generally categorized into two partners (primary and secondary).

A primary partner: This partner is the most important in the hierarchy and might be a spouse or long-term partner that you have children with or live with. Having a primary partner in polyamory is not a necessity.

Secondary partner: While you and your secondary partner might be in a committed relationship, you may not live together or share financial dealings.

The keystones of any polyamorous relationship are clear and open communication and mutual consent.

Can a Monogamous Person Become Polyamorous?

While this will be a challenge for most monogamous individuals, at the end of the day, it is up to the person if they would like to have a more liberated romantic lifestyle that is confined to just a single person. Monogamy was okay in past times, but with changes in society, the intermingling of both sexes, so many temptations all around. It is truly very challenging to remain stuck in a single relationship for long. The stresses and strains of professional lives leave us with very little time to spend with our partners as well, and since we spend most of the day at our working places, there will always be the urge to hook up with other partners we are attracted to. Having a polyamorous lifestyle is entirely up to each individual, and people that are tired of monogamy can spice up their love life with polyamory. Someone may do it for a temporary phase to quell their strong sexual urges and switch back to a more conventional lifestyle. Then there could be others that enjoy the freedom of having multiple partners and would like to remain polyamorous for life. The bottom line is there will always be men and women willing to push beyond conventional relationship boundaries and explore other alternate lifestyles.

Pros and Cons of Multiple Partners in a Relationship


Explore your romantic options: The main benefit is you can explore many romantic options by dating multiple partners. Since each relationship will be different, it becomes a learning experience about yourself and others. You get to realize what works for you and what does not. For people that have a very low threshold of boredom, dating multiple partners makes their love life that much more exciting. If you are keen to explore your romantic boundaries, then there should be nothing to stop you from dating multiple people.

Self-realization: As each relationship has its dynamics, you will learn hitherto unknown things about yourself, that you never were aware of. Having multiple relationships will change your perception of love and commitment. It could show you a whole new side of yourself and lead to self-realization. You will need to make multiple adjustments, unlike conventional dating, that leaves you just trying to adjust to a single partner. If nothing else, the opportunity to know more about your inner self is a good enough reason to date, multiple partners.

It could be a role model: There are a lot of individuals in society that want to break free from societal norms and traditions but lack the guts to do it. If you decide to go against conventions and traditions of society, it might help others to buildup courage and follow suit. You get to do something that you enjoy and help to explore your boundaries, and at the same time, you could be a role model for many more.


Not receive approval from society: Breaking from traditional ideas of society and doing what your innermost self says, needs a lot of self-belief. There might be family, friends, colleagues, and other people that will disapprove of your choice of lifestyle. This could be the biggest challenge that you need to be mentally prepared to face when becoming polyamorous. You must have a strong personal conviction to receive disapproval from most people in society.

Some partners might be non-supportive: Again, the idea of having your date multiple people may not go down well with your partner. This is because most believe in exclusive dating and being with a single partner at a time. If you have a partner that is as broadminded as you and okay with you dating multiple people at the same time, good for you. But if they are not open to the idea of you being polyamorous, there could be problems in your relationship with them. In such a scenario, you will either need to quit the idea of polyamory altogether or call it quits from the existing relationship. You need to think long and hard about the choice you ultimately make.

Might find it difficult to have an intense relationship: There always is the possibility at some stage of polyamory that you discover the need to have a more meaningful and intense connection with a specific partner. In such a situation, trying to call it quits with other partners could create complications and leave you emotionally challenged. You must be aware of the complications that could arise before deciding to adopt a polyamorous lifestyle.

Dating multiple partners at the same with their consent can be very exciting and add that missing spark to your life. However, you need to be upfront and honest with all involved parties and be prepared not to be overcome with emotional turmoil when in the relationship.